You Made An App. It Didn’t Change The World.

There have been precious few blog posts from me of late which have been a good, solid rant. Let’s be honest: why does one start a blog, if not to air their overblown opinions? Thank goodness there are still ballbags on the interwebs, helping to inspire me to air mine.

I do want to make this clear before mouthing off: this app is very clever and indeed a worthwhile addition to the glut already on the App store/market. The creators have made something that has a genuine purpose and will hopefully help many people. My issue lies entirely with the ad below…

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What an utterly over-the-top, self-congratulatory wankfest. Really. You’re selling access to libraries of words. Good for you. There are many things I’m offended by in this 4mins of vomit, but for the sake of your time and mine, I’ll stick to point form…

• That distracting, zoom/cut thing you’ve got going on. Your mate that did some After Effects tutorials one time probably thinks he’s the shit for being able to do it, but please cut it out. It’s giving me a damn headache.
• The music. Jesus Christ, the music. I’m neither on drugs, nor watching a corporate video from Hillsong Church. I don’t need your synth line to tell me when I’m supposed to be ‘in awe’.
• You’re the figurehead in a team of 3. A CEO that does not make. In spite of your mum paying for some business cards to be printed up on your 18th birthday that say otherwise, I’m sticking to the words of wisdom from this guy.
• Pointless charts. You’re fooling no one with a flashy ‘infographic’ that tells me nothing. Oh wait, you are. That’s the problem.
• Glen Murray, I’m calling you out directly, because you’re especially infuriating. This is not human rights technology. This is not a scientific achievement. A bunch of kids connected an existing technology which is already built into the phone (voice synthesis), to the internet. Yes, by cleverly geotagging a bunch of words to relevant areas (another existing technology), they have made something that is more than the sum of its parts. They did not change the world.
• Finally – and maybe what makes me the crankiest (as opposed to just ranty and annoying) – is the douche baguette at the end of the video claiming to be ‘helping’ people by making this app free to try. Hooking people before charging them through the nose does not make you a philanthropist. It makes you a crack dealer and you shouldn’t be allowed to advertise otherwise, especially to a group of people that need all the support they can get.

Phew. That’s better.

As I’ve pointed out, this is truly a worthwhile application, and I do hope it helps many people. However, when I see someone patting themselves on the back for being a Great White Hope, I’m prone to dubiousness. You’re dealing in a sensitive area of people who may have a variety of disabilities and should be held to a high standard. How about a touch of humility in your advertising.

(Thanks to Lingbot for firing me up)